Debbie Downer

29 Sep

UUUGHHHH….

Everything I’ve written about lately has been so negative.

So let’s change it up. The biggest disappointment and the biggest heart ache of my life is the fact that my wife and I still don’t have children. We have been married for over 5 years. My wife is a great friend, a great companion, and she would just be the greatest mom I know. We have celebrated, and endured our friends having kids, only to be saddened by our loneliness, which we know could only be filled by our children. I have been angry at God at times whenever I hear stories about child abandonement or child abuse. I wondered, in His infinite wisdom, and endless love, and immeasureable mercy, why He would allow children to be born in tragic situations. Every child deserves a good home. I asked why people who are mean to their kids keep having kids, when we don’t even have one. I know in my heart of hearts that I would be a good father – not a perfect father, but one who tried to be a good father.

In the past few months my wife has been taking fertility medicine, and today, I got the news that it was working. No babies yet, but atleast we know that the meds were working! Hearing this today, just lifted me out of the fog. The greatest achievement in my life would be to have a child. To look into those precious eyes. To hold their hand when they cross the street. To kiss them when they’re hurt. To love them, when they’ve gone astray.

I hope to blog about some greater news in the future. But for now, the thought of my unborn children will have to suffice – and its definitely enough to keep me smiling from ear to ear.

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