choice.

21 Jun

I wonder if I had not known God, or if I had not met Jesus Christ and accepted Him as my Saviour as a teenager, would I still choose Him today?

I took a long look at my life as a 29 year old. I’ve got a good job that’s promising and is leading me into better positions. I’ve got a great wife who loves and cares for me. If I were not a Christian now, if I knew nothing of God and Jesus Christ, if I knew nothing about Christianity, would I still choose to be a Christian today?

I’m not stating the Christianity is the proponent of all my downfalls in life. I’m not saying that it is the reason I have success in the places I do have success. Christianity is my identity right now, but is it what makes me – me? My likes and dislikes, my demeanor, my humour, my fears…

I guess I’m asking myself, if I would still chose a relationship with Jesus Christ? I wish I could know Him with the innocence of a new believer. I wish my vision of Him wouldn’t be marred by the pain and suffering in my heart. I wish I could meet Him again, as a friend, and not as my judge. I wish I could be introduced to Him as the Giver of life and peace, not the Master Puppeteer of my life. Is there a way to know Him that way? Can I simply forget the baggage in my past? Can I forget the hurts and unfulfilled promises in my life? Can I just know Him, as the Comforter, my refuge, my shield, and my strength? He is all those things, I know. But I cannot help but feel the pain I’ve endured, when I feel He is silent towards me.

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